Category Archives: haha

funny stuff

World fastest sofa

Why on earth would you want to drive your sofa on the road? Sure it will be handy if you want to move your furniture to your new house, but do you really them to be self-propelled? This one hits 92 MPH. Wonder if I need a license to shift it around the house.

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Clicking game

I don’t believe this.

Someone has set up a server to accept clicks, and rank countries according to how many clicks they have submitted. This sparked off a war of clicks in which online communities in a few countries are organising themselves to submit more clicks than their competitors, thereby pushing themselves up the list. What? National pride in cyberspace?

SgSpartans, inspired by the movie 300, appeals for the tiny nation to be mobilised to hold the figurative hot gates and defend the nation’s standing on the list against the hordes from other countries. Only that we use technology (javscript) to do what brawn cannot. Do you find these phrases familiar?

their mouse-clicks can blot out the sun” [so we will click in the shade??]

“And you my CLICKER…what is your occupation?

>>guy with no life.

And YOU? (other clickers)” [a javascript programmer]

“Tonight we click in hell, for tomorrow we dine in click heaven..”

At least this is living proof of national pride.

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work until die

Nobody notices anyway. I had a colleague who collapsed in office and everybody attributed it to overwork. When she left the company, people who were assigned to take over her tasks were shocked at how much she had been covering. Sometimes nobody knows until you disappear.

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Packaging your message

I attended a course today called “Think on your feet” which teaches communication skills. To illustrate the point that the message has to be positioned and packaged so as to be acceptable to the listening party, the trainer told a joke.

Some people are not comfortable with packaging and “selling” their ideas in ways that are very different from their own internal values and beliefs. I think this is a good example of how one can package the same message convincingly in different ways and yet not be lying (too much) to the audience.

The story goes that the Titanic was sinking and the captain realised that there were not enough life boats and life jackets to go around. This was one of the reasons why there were so many casualties during that tragic accident. To jump off the ship without a life jacket was to run a very high risk of dying so the captain tried to convince the men to do so and to save life jackets for the women and children. (Ah those times of selfless chivalry. Anyway.) The captain came across a group of British gentlemen and tried to appeal to their sense of honour. He told them that the honourable thing to do is to jump, and so the British gents did that. To the Americans he told them that it will be heroic for them to jump and save the life vests for those who need it more. To the Germans he told them that it was the rule. To the Japanese, it was the consensus. And all these people jumped overboard because they were convinced. The reason appealed to something in their culture and so it was accepted.

As this point some local joker must have added that for the Singaporeans he threw a life vest overboard and shouted that he is giving it away free. The Singaporeans jumped after the freebie and the Malaysians shouted “Malaysia Boleh!” and jumped after them as well. Of course there were no Singaporeans or Malaysians on the maiden voyage of the Titanic, but it struck a chord among us in the class. And by the way, Malaysia Boleh is a joke that anything Singapore does, Malaysia tries to follow and to say that they can do it also.

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humorous spam

I usually just scan through spam comments caught by wordpress’s akismet before hitting the delete button, but this caught my attention with its creative attempt. It even feature some researcher’s website. But please, who will go leave a joke as a comment on such an old entry?

Still spam and I have deleted it, but not before I preserve it here with its nine links to viagra sites taken out. Now this is spam that actually value-adds, oxymoronic as it may sound.

I figured kopicat.wordpress.com could use a little humor.

Diary

DEAR DIARY

Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in
the bathroom and cried.

Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says,
and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me
something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of Nelson’s Column and burst into tears.

Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix
his ‘problem.’ It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this
will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift
something other than his mood.

Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.
Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s doing that.

Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they
were talking about him. But, have to admit it’s very nice – I don’t
think I’ve ever been so happy.

Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I’m also
getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And
to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with neat whisky!
What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over….

Day 11.
I’m basically being screwed to death. It’s like living with a Black and
Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my
armpits hurt. He’s a complete pig.

Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I’ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or
even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become
dangerous ..

Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to
bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that “Oops,
sorry” thing again, I’ll kill the bastard.

Day 14.
I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started
dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.

Day 15.
I think I’ll have to kill him. I’m starting to stick to everything I sit
on. The cat and dog won’t go near him and our friends don’t come over
any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.

Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody
thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going
back on Prozac.

Day 17.
Switched the Viagra pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any
difference……Christ !!! here he comes again with Viagra.

Day 18.
He’s back on Viagra. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all
day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything
for him. What absolute bliss!!.

Enjoy

Reply with good jokes if you know any.

Thanks

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Male Restroom Etiquette

This video starts with practical advice on what the social rules are and how calamity can result from disobeying these rules. Film making is now easy enough that all you need is a computer, a game or two and a lot of skill in directing a movie to create a low-cost film and tell a story. This one is made using The Sims 2 and Simcity 4.

update: Or you can just get a few actors to bring your point across.

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Overheard in a lift

Lunch time gossip.

Colleague A: Karen took half day today.

Colleague B: She where got half day. Take half day still go back at 3 or 4.

Colleague C: Take half day so she can go home early.

*sniggering*

Colleague A: Correct what, she usually go back at 9, take half day go home at 3.

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