The Engineering Mind – a danger to themselves

During the time of the French Revolution, many people were beheaded for “crimes against the state.” One day, a Priest, a Drunkard and an Engineer were led up to the guillotine.

Before being placed in the guillotine, the priest requested the he be allowed to lay face UP so he will be looking toward Heaven when he dies. When the blade of the guillotine is released, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from the Priest’s neck. The executioner takes this as divine intervention and releases the priest.

Next the Drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the Priest. When the blade of the guillotine is released, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from the Drunkard’s neck So they release the Drunkard as well.

The Engineer is next, and he too decides to die facing up. Just before releasing the blade of the guillotine, the Engineer exclaims “Hey! I see what your problem is….”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid forgoing. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to my alma mater.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. “I want to give a million to my family”, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

A man drifting in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a guy on the ground and descended to shouting range. “Excuse me, sir,” he shouted. “Can you help me? I promised a friend would meet him a half hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below responded: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field, between 40 and 42 degrees North Latitude, and 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” responded the balloonist.

“I am,” said the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost.”

Whereupon the man on the ground responded, “You must be a manager.”

“That I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going. You’ve made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you’re in the exact same position you were before we met, but now it’s somehow my fault!”

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed “What’s with these guys ….. we must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! ”

The pastor said, “Here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us. They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greenskeeper replied , “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion
dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your
problem is.”

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put
it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.


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