I had been very productive today. It is amazing how motivated an analyst can get from the disapproval of the users’ HOD. But to be fair to me, it was also the culmination of several days worth of groundwork and preparation.
I have patched a live problem that I am not directly responsible for, managed a manager’s expectation and basically got his approval to pursue another course of action, and briskly walked my user through the workflow in 15 minutes. There are still a lot of uncertainties that will become clearer only tomorrow, but the progress is still good so far. I enjoy my work when I can make progress. I am most upset when bogged down by bureacracy and managerial indifference. I guess that is pretty common.
I don’t know how much longer I can stay in this line. It remains too much of a sweatshop kind of working structure, with the junior staff sweating away and the supervisors not bothering to pitch in and get the work done, which is of course not very good. One of my collegues told me to just forget it, work your way up and make a difference when you are on top. It remains a very distant goal because the top is saturated. I will just do what I can, learn what I can, and move when the opportunity presents itself. It is difficult to see beyond that.
Why am I willing to live with all these? Is it because I have just heard that ex-colleagues tend to aggregate around other companies that are similar to us, but are just as messy? There are those who do well, and those who just wind up in another cesspool. The cesspools make me think that this is not such a bad place to be in. One shit is pretty much like another, I suppose.
This year’s performance bonus was the poorest I have ever had, and I blame it on last year’s lack of opportunities. Not that I did not ask for things to do. Confused supervisors did not know what to let me do. They still don’t know their priorities and can frequently be confused even now. I am learning so much from their mistakes. Just don’t be too agitated by their lack of integrity, lack of vision, their inconsistencies, empty promises, etc etc etc. Next year’s performance bonus should be good, considering the difficult tasks I have been assigned this year. Wonder if I will be around to claim it. I hope I would have found a better job by then, one so good that I am willing to give up the performance bonus. Won’t that be nice.